Faith Hope Love

Our love endures

2011-08-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

This day has been a lingering reality since that night we started dating, when we tried to hide our smiles at the excitement of actually having the luxury of calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend; when we began to make plans for our first date as a couple, where we would go and what we would wear. This day has been a lingering reality since that night "he" and "I" became "we." This day is D Day; Deployment Day. And to be completely honest, this reality, while very real in the physical sense, has failed to become real to me mentally and emotionally. Up to this point there has been much conversation, prayers, and tears, but as I sit here, with this day in full affect, I still can't grasp the full reality of it all. The reality that for the next 105 days I will not be in the same room as him, I will not eat a meal while looking at him across the table, I will not read with him at my side, and I will not ride to church in the passenger seat of his car. For the next 105 days I will be doing life alone, and it all seems so surreal.

It has been said that a tree's roots grow deepest not when it has the perfect climate,water, and sun exposure, but rather when it endures a season of hardship, a season of drought, or a season of storms. It is in this time, when the conditions are anything but ideal, that the trees roots grow deeper than ever. In an effort to obtain the water needed so as not to dry up and die or the anchor needed so as not to be uprooted my the storm, the tree's roots will deepen and strengthen.

Life is full of different seasons; seasons of plenty and seasons of lack. Seasons of happiness and seasons of pain. Seasons of love and seasons of hurt. But it is in these seasons of lack, pain, and hurt, that our roots grow their deepest, strengthening us to withstand the storm. Chris' deployment is anything but desirable. And while there may be times of lack, pain, and hurt, I know that our roots are deepening; I know that we will come out of this season standing taller and stronger, because our love endures all things.

The choice is ours

2011-03-28T21:55:00.000-07:00

It's not in a booming thunder or a rushing wind that God speaks to us, but rather in the small whispers of thoughts and ideas that pop into our mind as we go about our day. It's in these moments, when thoughts and ideas contrary to our own fleshly desires appear in our mind, that we have the option to acknowledge them as words from God, or dismiss them as our own and go on, living the way we choose, ignoring His still small voice. The choice is ours. One choice will lead to a seperation, false sense of truth, and distance from God. One choice is easy to make, it requires no trust in anyone but ourself, no faith for the unseen, no uncomfortable feelings of lost control. But the other choice, that choice that says "I will listen to You. I will obey what You tell me to do. I will trust you that you know what's best for me and that your timing is perfect.", is the choice that will lead to His perfect plan for our life. Because when we give our all to Him, sacrificing what we really want for what He really wants, He can't help but to pour out His blessing and favor on us. It's in this time, when our sacrifice leaves us feeling weak, alone, and unsure of ourselves, when we empty our hearts of ourselves, that Jesus is given room to rule in our lives.

"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, ... For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9&10

I heard His still small voice whisper so softly and so lovingly and I knew that things needed to change, an adjustment needed to be made, and no part of me wanted to do it. I tried to find another way, a compromise, a happy medium, but I knew that for Him to rule, and for His perfect plan to manifest in my life, I had to put aside my own desires and seek His. I had to put aside the plans I had made and the way I thought it should go, and seek Him, His plan, His way. I had to trust Him with the situation, acknowledging that He knows best and that His timing is perfect. I gave the situation to Him, and while I'm excited for what He has planned and I know that it will be amazing, it doesn't stop the feelings of weakness, lonesomeness, and insecurity that come from losing control. But I know that when I am weak, then I am strong.

Enough is enough

2011-02-21T12:13:00.000-08:00

Why is it that, while having more opportunities than I can count, I find myself getting in the way of... myself.

Dreams, desires, aspirations, goals; my list goes on with the things I hope to do and be someday. And that's precisely the problem: someday. Rather than realizing the dreams, desires, aspirations, and goals that I can have today, I say someday; thereby negating myself from actually doing anything today. I find myself making statements such as "when this happens then I can..." or "once I'm in a different location, job, city, then I will..." I stand in my own way yet wake up to another day, disappointed and discouraged that nothing is happening in my life and that the feeling of "being stuck" envelopes me. I wake up to another day, discouraged. And rather than step out of my own way, seize the day, and make my dreams happen, I find myself sitting on the couch, eating Oreos and peanut butter, watching Devil Wears Prada while dreaming of living in NYC someday and wondering why my jeans don't fit any longer. I sit here and resolutely decide that tomorrow will be the day and things will change. Tomorrow I will eat better, go back to bootcamp, start taking care of myself again. Tomorrow I will begin teaching myself guitar. Tomorrow I will write that blog that I have been wanting to write for the last month now. Tomorrow I will read the rest of that book I started over a year ago. Tomorrow.

My dreams sit in my tomorrows while I sit and watch the opportunities of today past right through my fingers.

As sad as it makes me to admit, this is not the first time that this has happened. In fact, this feeling and this state of discouragement has become a familiar place for me, all too familiar actually. And rather than look at myself, realize that I am my own worst enemy, and change, I blame it on work, my schedule and the fact that I live in the middle of no where and at least 20 minutes away from anything that remotely resembles a city of any kind. My excuses go on and on. I blame my lack of fulfilled dreams on anything and anyone but myself. And slowly, I kill myself, from the inside out. I am my own worst enemy.

Coming to this realization is nothing new. I have been here before. But something needs to change. I can't keep coming to this realization. I can't keep standing in my own way... and letting myself get away with it. Coming to this realization is only half the battle. It's what I do from here, the next step I decide to take, that really matters. Because without this next step, this realization is worth nothing, dead. And this dead realization doesn't go to the grave alone. It's a death that spreads like the plague, taking down every dream, desire, aspiration and goal I may have. Finding myself, even a year from now, sitting on the couch, eating oreos and peanut butter, watching Devil Wears Prada while dreaming of living in NYC someday and wondering why my jeans don't fit any longer is not a reality I am willing to face. Enough is enough. I have come to this ugly realization, and taking the next step, holding on to every dream, desire, aspiration and goal I have with all that I am. God has given each one of them to me and I am not going to disappoint. Today, not tomorrow, my dreams will come true.

Embracing the silence

2011-02-13T09:53:00.001-08:00

I might just have a problem... and admitting this is the first step... or so I've heard.

I'm a crazy multi-tasker. Like, it may just be out of hand. I found myself comfortably seated at the breakfast bar this morning, reading up on all my favorite blogs (thanks to bloglovin this process is so easy!) but the silence was uncomfortably.... silent. So, I moved to the couch, turned on HGTV & kept reading. But then there was a commercial, and I HATE commercials! So I muted the television and turned on some Future of Forestry. Then my show came back on, I muted my music, unmuted the television, and continued reading. And then I started writing. Like I said, I might have a problem.

The problem with my problem is that silence and simply being has almost turned into a four letter word for me. It makes me so uncomfortable to be in silence and just be me, that, well, I never allow silence to surround me. I never allow myself to simply be me. Yet, in our silence, God speaks. And when we are comfortably ourselves, God can come and encourage us, teach us, move us to where He wants us to be. But if we continue to flood the silence with our televisions, music, and noise, God has no room to talk and ultimately gets pushed so far out of our lives that when He actually does speak, we no longer recognize His voice, putting it off as our own random thought.

But, in an effort to hear God, to learn, move, and grow, I'm turning off the television, turning off the music, closing my laptop, and embracing the silence; embracing who I am; embracing the voice of God.

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalms 46:10

Jesus Heals

2011-01-23T16:11:00.000-08:00

Search the web for natural medicine and you will find almost 15 million results. Click on one of these sights and find out how anything from acupuncture to yoga to reiki (a transferring of energy from practitioner and client to restore harmony to the body's energy and trigger the body's healing process, according to about.com) can cure you of your self diagnosed illness. Talk with loved ones who are dealing with some sort of illness, sickness or pain in their body and many will find that they are readily open to the idea that these alternative forms of medicine would be most beneficial for them. Yet what many do not take into consideration is the background of the "medicine" they are considering; that yoga revolves around the idea that God is an impersonal, spiritual substance, coexisting with all of reality and acupunture around the idea of duality, yin and yang, two opposites co-existing, with each root found in the other. And what many do not realize is that God is not an impersonal, spiritual substance that coexists with reality but rather He is the Creator and Sustaner of all; that "God cares what happens to (a tiny sparrow, a pet canary) even more than you do. He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head!" Matthew 10:29 He is involved in EVERYTHING, knowing you better than you know your self. We quickly forget that we can come to Him with ALL of our problems, all our illnesses, sicknesses and pains, that He is our Jehovah-Rophe (The Lord that Heals) and that we can ask for ANYTHING in the name of Jesus and He will do it.

So, instead of being a people that looks to the most "popular" form of medicine for our healing, let's look to Jesus, the Healer of all, and claim our healing in Jesus name!

Tonight, at Life Bible Church, we will have an amazing man of God, Dr Yan Venter, utilizing the healing gift that God has given him to heal every kind of sickness, disease and pain, from toothaches to cancer, infertility to autism. I invite you, come and be touch by Jesus Himself.

John 14:12-14 (The Message)
11-14"Believe me: I am in my Father and my Father is in me. If you can't believe that, believe what you see—these works. The person who trusts me will not only do what I'm doing but even greater things, because I, on my way to the Father, am giving you the same work to do that I've been doing. You can count on it. From now on, whatever you request along the lines of who I am and what I am doing, I'll do it. That's how the Father will be seen for who he is in the Son. I mean it. Whatever you request in this way, I'll do.

Birthday, Christmas, and lessons in between

2011-01-15T12:03:00.000-08:00

“Hey Stine, what do you want for your birthday?”
The question I knew was coming, and the question I was dreading most. You see, I could think of a million things I wanted (I mean really, what girl couldn’t?) but I had decided that there is a big difference between want and need, and if I was really honest with myself, I needed nothing. And if I was realistic, there were so many people I could think of that really needed something, so who was I to ask for what I really wanted. And so I told my sister I wanted nothing, a decision that did not come easy and, if I were truly honest, took much self-coaching.

Funny thing about sisters; they know you, often better than you think. So when I gave her my lame “I don’t want you to get me anything” answer, she knew I didn’t mean it, even though I thought I did. So, my birthday came and with it so did my birthday card and gift card from my sister. Even though I told her “No!”
Then I came to a realization. Not just any realization. One of those realizations that you hate to come to, knowing things are going to have to change, and change means work. But change is a good thing. Change means growth, and growth is good (growing pains and all).

Four words were all He needed to say. “What do you want?” These four words; this one question, were the first words; the first question, that John records in his Gospel, of Jesus Christ. And these four words; this one question, gets me every time. Jesus, the Son of God, asked this question to the disciples, not because He didn’t know what they wanted “for He knows the secrets of the heart” but because they needed to know what they wanted, why they were there, what they were wanting to received from Jesus. And, in a response equally as lame as mine to my sister, the disciples asked, “Rabbi, where are you staying?” Jesus, the Son of God, God with skin on, asked what they wanted, and all they can come up with was to see where He was staying. Jesus simply responds, “Come and see.” as if to say “Sure guys, whatever you want.” And I can’t help but wonder; if they had asked something different, something more than to see where He was staying, would He have still said “Sure guys, whatever you want.”? My bible says, “God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!” So, according to Ephesians 3:20, He most definitely would have granted any request they had. Yet they simply asked to see where He was staying; and I simply said I didn’t need anything for my birthday. How foolish of me.

Yet we are all guilty of this mentality. We buy into a mindset that we shouldn’t ask for certain things because, if we were really honest with ourselves, we don’t really need them. And if we really thought about it, we could think of so many other people who really needed something, so who are we to ask for what we really want? We lack one major truth of who God is, forgetting that He has the power to provide for the needy AND make our wildest dreams come true. We forget that our God “owns Cadillac’s on a thousand lots” (in the words of Pastor Judah Smith) and ultimately settle, accepting our current state while secretly dreaming of something different, yet never telling God what it is that we truly desire. We even sing “How great is our God” while not realizing, or not believing, in how great He truly is.

What would happen if we began dreaming? What would happen if we tested God in the promises He has given us? What would happen if we took the Word of God, believed it with all of our heart, and put it into practice?

My birthday came, and my birthday went, and with the realization that God can do epically more than I can dream, I began thinking of what my Christmas list would consist of. Yes, it was September still, but I was expecting great things from God. I was going to be ready with my answer when the question came “What do you want for Christmas?” and when the question finally came, I found the closest piece of paper and writing utensil and scribbled it down: 1. Canon 30D 2. Canon 50mm f1.4 3. Adobe Lightroom 4. Adobe Photoshop.

Christmas came, and Christmas went, and with the realization that God can do epically more than I can dream, I beamed with joy, because my camera and lens were in the mail!

It's tradition

2010-12-26T21:34:00.000-08:00

There's something about the holiday's that give certain people (including my family... and yes, that includes me) the urge to make traditions (and yes, in case you were wondering; I'm already planning traditions that I will subject my children to one day). Some choose a family game that, with out it, Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas. Others bake SweetBabyJesus a birthday cake (yes, this is on my list of torturing traditions my children will be subjected to- can't wait!). But for my family, we sing. It's just what we do, every Christmas. Many would not believe it unless they see it with their own eyes, but it really does happen; right after we open our gifts. My Aunt or Uncle pops out of nowhere with the song books that they have been patiently clinging to all evening and begin passing them out. The cousins look at each other and smile that smile that says "oh dear, here we go." When we arrive at this portion of the evening I can't help but cringe a bit inside, every year. If I (and I'm sure other members of my family) were to be completely honest; there is definitely a love/hate relationship going on with this tradition. A relationship I will strive to acheive in my children one day (sorry in advance little ones... and future husband for that matter).
We split up into groups, decide which group has which portion of the song (which is a major feat in and of itself in my family) and, in no particular order, and at a pitch that would make most dogs howl, we sing (or yell) the Twelve Days of Christmas. And here my love/hate relationship lies. "Are we really doing this? Seriously? How old are we? This is so immature! Oh SweetBabyJesus forgive us for ruining your birthday party with this song" I think quietly to myself. Sometimes (ok, most of the time) I can be a bit dramatic. I like to think of it as being emotional, it sounds sweeter than dramatic. Either way, I cringe, then sing. And before I know it my cringe is replaced with laughter... and my love/hate relationship turns from hate, to love. It's in those moments, when we let go, give in, and laugh, that memories are born. It's in those moments that I realize I wouldn't trade my life, my family, my Christmas, with anyone else. Because without the Twelve Days of Christmas my Christmas would not be complete.

Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.

Anthony Brandt

Reality Check

2010-11-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

I'm currently positioned comfortably criss crossed on my couch, lap top front and center, TV set to the limited commercial presentation of Pearl Harbor and the local newspaper at my side. Today is Veteran's Day. And while I woke up this morning with my to do list running through my mind, simply looking forward to a day off work, no thought as to what this day actually represents; I am forcefully (and thankfully) reminded of the lives that were lost at my expense, so that I can sit here, in the comfort and convenience of my home, writing this very post. All too often we, as Americans, forget. We get caught up in the busyness of our lives, the stress that "living the American dream" so often brings upon us, that we forget what it took to give us the simple comfort of sleeping on a bed, with a roof over our head, and clothes on our back. The little things that we so often take for granted.

Today the register guard reported on a bombing in Baghdad, a subject that seems to be all too familiar in the news these days. And as painfully sad as it makes me to admit this, I often times simple skim over these articles. I glimpes at the number of deaths and think to myself "how sad", say a small prayer under my breath and move on to the next article. This article popped out to me though, it's title drawing my interest; "Wave of bombings terrorizes, kills Christians in Baghdad." The picture attached to the article showing an Iraqi man inspecting his destroyed car at the scene of the bombing. I tried for a moment to imagine the feeling of walking out to my car in the morning, on my way to work, and finding my car completely scorched.

As I read I was challenged to imagine what life must be like for them; as "a dozen roadside bombs (were set off) Wednesday... sending terrified famiilies into hiding behind a church where walls are still stained from blood from an attack nearly two weeks ago." The article went on to tell of one man's story: "On Oct. 31, Thomas' brother-in-law bled to death on the church floor after militants stormed the building, shot congregants in the first row, held others hostage and then set off bombs when Iraqi forces came to the rescue. Then Wednesday morning, two bombs went off in quick succession outside his home. 'We are terrified,' said Thomas, who sought refuge at the church with his family on Wednesday. 'I cannot go back to my house. They will attack again. They want to kill us.'"

While we sit here and enjoy a day of honoring our Veteran's and the sacrifice they made so that we can have the freedom we so ungratefully enjoy, let us not forget those who are still fighting, those who have no comforts to enjoy, those that wake up with nothing on their to do list but to survive, and the soldiers that have willingly given themselves to fight along side them.

Funday Sunday: Worst... EVER!

2010-10-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

I walk out to my car, super bummed that it's the rainy season but excited for what the day holds. I plop into the driver seat, insert key, turn key, and... nothing. The sound of an engine starting up is replaced with dead air. NOOOOO!!! I cry out; not again! This, my friends, has been the second time in 2 weeks that I have killed my car, and in the last year? I can't even count how many times I have killed my poor Maxine. Yup, my cars name is Maxine. As I begin to pray for a miracle I send out texts in hopes someone is awake at this hour and willing to come save me. Can I just say, my family and friends are amazing! And one of my amazing friends came to my rescue. Karen, I said it once and I will say it again, you are my hero!

Enter Funday Sunday:
This weeks post may not be a little known fact, but it's a fact: I am the worst car owner- EVER. And if you are trying to be nice you may say "oh no, I'm sure you're not that bad."
Oh contrare, dear internet. Not only have I come to terms with this fact but my family and close friends are very aware of it as well. And I have stories upon stories to confirm said fact. Like the time I thought my car was dead, had my dad, who was almost an hour away, drive to come diagnose my problem only to have him point out when he got there that I had simply left my car in drive when I turned it off. My mom swears I'm naturally blonde.

Funday Sunday: Jurassic Park, Hansen Brothers, and Billy Ray Cyrus

2010-09-12T10:09:00.000-07:00

My mind runs a million miles a minute with more thoughts than I can keep track of. And more often than not there is a song playing as the same time; usually the theme music to Jurassic Park (don't ask). I have even caught myself humming the catchy little tune while cleaning my room, cooking or working. A few weeks ago Mmm Bop by the Hansen Brothers popped in my head at work. I shared this with my co-workers and we proceeded to watch a clip of the music video (we might have even sang along a bit). Internet, it was epic.

This weeks "Funday Sunday" is dedicated to the random songs that pop in my head for no apparent reason. What's that? You want to know what this weeks song was? Well, let me preface my answer with this; Jesus said "Do no judge, or you too will be judged." As much as it may pain me to admit this, Achey Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus popped in my head this week. I know, random.... but that's me:)

*Side note- That mullet is epic!

Cheer's to you, parentals!

2010-09-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

I don't mean to pee on your rainbow, be a Debbie Downer or a party pooper but some things I just don't get... and birthdays are one of them. It's not that I don't appreciate all the love and kind words that are received but it seems a bit backwards, in my opinion. We get a whole day dedicated to celebrating the fact that we were born; yet we really had nothing to do with it. So, in my attempt to change that, I cheer's to you, parentals; because without you there would be no me.

Mom, thank you for the 70 pounds you gained during the 9 months you were pregnant with me just to make sure I was always well fed. Thank you for the 8 hours you waited in labor for me to arrive. Thank you for those moments when we don't have to say anything, yet know what each other is thinking. Thank you for sleepless nights and long days. And thank you for the 24 years of dealing with me, through the good and the bad.

Dad, thank you for feeding mom. Thank you for the 8 hours you waited while mom was in labor. Thank you for leading by example in all that you do and always being available, for anything I may need, even if it's a simple word of encouragement. Thank you for sleepless nights and long days. And thank you for the 24 years of dealing with me, through the good and the bad.

Mom (yes, dear internet, I have two moms. My cup runneth over!), although you did not have anything to do with the fact that I was born, you did have much to do with the fact that I am who I am today; and for that I thank you. Thank you for always being faithful, to God and dad. Actions speak louder than words, and your actions have a strong voice. Thank you for sleepless nights and long days. And thank you for the many years of dealing with me, through the good and the bad.

Introducing...

2010-09-05T15:50:00.000-07:00

The amazing thing about having a blog is the fact that you only have to let the world know about you what you want them to know about you. I have become increasingly aware of this fact lately, and have realized that my blog tells a very little portion of who I am. But why? Why not bare it all? Why not be open and vulnerable and true?

In an attempt to do just that I am introducing a weekly post to my blog... Funday Sunday. Ok, ok don't judge... I know the name is a bit cheesy, but hey, that's me:) My goal is to post a random, little know fact about me each week.

My birthday is coming up and with that comes the need to renew my license. I also am desperately trying to grow my hair out and therefore have not gotten it cut in months, leaving it dull, flat, and oh so unfabulous. My license renew couldn't come at a worse time. And since my license picture is stuck with me for many years to come I refuse to go renew it until I can get my hair did. Some may think this is ridiculous but I just can't do it, dear internet. I can't put a flat haired picture in my wallet. So... Please pray that I don't get pulled over. It would be much appreciated:)

Forgive & Forget

2010-08-24T20:51:00.000-07:00

"I want to forgive you; and I want to forget you."

If you are any kind of reality TV fan you know this line very well, and maybe have even used it a time or two. I myself may have used it once, but it was an extremely mature situation which rendered an extremely mature comment such as this, therefore giving me justification in using it... right?

I hate it when people apologize and ask forgiveness from me. I'm not exactly sure why but something inside me wants them to feel better about the situation and therefore my usual responds is "oh, it's ok; no big deal." On the flip side though if it's really not ok with me the phrase "It's fine!" usually pops out of my mouth with every bit of attitude I can muster as I cross my arms and glare in an attempt to make it as obvious as possible that it in fact is not fine and no, I do not want to get over it and move on. At which point the words "I want to forgive you; and I want to forget you" once rolled off my lips. Yes, at that moment I was officially dubbed the coolest girl in town (don't hate).

All too often this is the mentality of our society. We want to say that we forgive someone but then write them off like a bad check; or continue to hold it over their heads in an attempt to make ourselves feel better by making them feel worse. But no where in scripture do we find this obscure sense of reality ok. In fact, we find the opposite.

Jesus, after being beaten and broken to the point of unrecognition and hung naked on the cross, cried out to God "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." We, as Christians, are called to be Christ-like, therefore we should daily, hourly, even every minute of every day, ask ourselves; "What did Jesus do?" If Jesus loved, we are to love; if Jesus evangelized, we are to evangelize; if Jesus forgave, we too are to forgive "not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

He told me he was sorry; and through my tears of pain and frustration I remembered to ask myself "What did Jesus do?" I remembered that He first forgave me and He first forgot, not me, but my sin. Through my tears I spoke those three little words that have such power; "I forgive you." And I really meant it; for the first time I meant that I was forgiving and forgetting, not the way the world does, but the way Jesus did.

I'm back!

2010-08-18T19:43:00.000-07:00

"After L.I.T. is over" I told myself over and over again. After L.I.T. is over I will start on my stacks of books that are accumulating through out my room; after L.I.T. is over I will quickly get rid of the 15 extra pounds I so happily put on during the holidays; after L.I.T. is over I will start blogging again. Well, dear internet, here we are, 2 months later, and I have yet to finish one book, shed any number of pounds without putting it right back on again, and post any sort of writings to my blog- epic fail (that's right, I used the word epic).

I had plans for all the moments I would blog about, all the highlights that I had experienced but lacked time to write out, and while those plans seem unrealistic now considering that every new day brings a new thought and idea to blog, I thought I would try to hit the high points, to, if nothing else, at least amuse my self.... and then I realized that would take much longer than I had time for. So, for now, I leave you with a photo from our L.I.T. grad party:)

You better put on your stretchy pants

2010-03-14T21:53:00.000-07:00

"You wanna preach the last 5 minutes of the message and close us up tonight?" Wait, what? Is he serious right now? He can't be serious right now. He just learn of my desire to preach a few moments ago. But, to be fair, he did warn me to be ready at any time.... I just figured he would give more time to be ready at any time. STILL, I'm not prepared, I don't have a nicely typed outline with bullet points, underlined words and scripture references to accompany. Pretty sure all of these thoughts went through my head, simultaneously, in less than a nano second... and before I knew it I said "yes." WHAT!! I just said yes, oh Jesus help me. And that right there was all I needed- Jesus.

Many times we look at something, such as preaching, and immediately look at ourselves, our flaws, fear of man and what others might think of us, not even giving the thought a chance. We look to ourselves, thinking we are unworthy, and loose focus of who it's really all about- Jesus. Who are we to tell Him what to do, or not do? who is worthy of such a task and who isn't? When did we loose sight that it isn't about us?

Paul exhorted the Romans and Christians everywhere in Romans 12 to "in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God" God has a plan and a purpose for every single person - every-single-person- and all He asks of us is to give our selves to him "offer our bodies as livings sacrifices". And when this is done something amazing happens, He begins to use you and His plan and destiny for your life begins to unfold right in front of you. Before you know it your preaching the closing message to your brothers and sisters in Christ on a Sunday night service.

I encourage you, simply offer yourself to God. See what happens. I guarantee you, He will use you. He is desiring to use you right now! It may be uncomfortable and you may be stretched to a new level (that's what stretchy pants are for though, right?) but being stretched and uncomfortable is a good thing, you begin to realize that you can't do it on your own and that you must rely on God. "For all things are possible with God." Matthew 19:26

Conviction is only the first step...

2010-01-25T19:09:00.000-08:00

We sat there, eating our sandwiches and discussing the lessons of life as well as what the infallible Word of God says regarding said topics. She spoke of her convictions and I, being the great christian woman that I am*, simply stated that "conviction is only the first step, it's what you do about that conviction that really matters." I spoke those words and as they left my mouth I was convicted; I knew what I had to do...

I had been going back and forth with God all day on how to handle a certain situation that I had gotten myself into. He knew that I knew what I needed to do; but I continued to ask questions and He continued to answer until He got tired of me. He finally told me that I knew what I needed to do and He wasn't going to talk about it anymore. This pathetic back and forth discussion made me realize the extent of God's grace for His people. I'm sure I'm making Him blue in the face at times but amazingly, He loves me anyways; no matter how stubborn or immature I may be. Little did I know that the depth of my knowledge of His grace was about to increase. James 4:6 says But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
I returned from lunch knowing that I needed to swollow my pride, no matter how much it hurt. And oh did it hurt. So, with tears and humility, I confessed my mistake, repented, and asked for forgiveness. I had no idea how he would respond and frankly, expected the worst. Luckily, this certain person is not the type to inflict "the worst"; he graciously forgave and I felt completely unworthy. I had hurt him in many ways but he was so quick to forgive and forget, I was amazed.

How often do we hurt God? Yet God is quick to forgive and forget, not matter how large or small our transgression is against Him. All we must do is repent; confess that we messed up and decide to learn from our mistake. Proverbs 28:13 states He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoeve confesses and renounces them finds mercy. And Psalms 103:12 says as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Sometimes God has to bring us down in order to pick us back up again, to remind us that we are sinful man and He is the one and only perfect God; slow to anger and abounding in love (Psalms 103:9)

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. C. S. Lewis

*I say this in complete sarcasm, knowing that I am no where near perfect; no matter how much I like to think I am at times.

The man on a bike

2009-11-26T11:02:00.000-08:00

I was driving home from church Saturday night and began to complain. I know, I know, I'm a horrible person but it was cold and rainy, and I DO NOT like being cold; being wet and cold is a double negative in my book! So there I was, driving in my comfy car, that has been oh so faithful to get me where I'm going, with a roof that has only leaked on my once (ok, actually it poured water on my head but we're not going there), complaining to God, pleading with Him to just make my car warm up a little bit faster. And then a pass a man on a bike. Yes internet, he was biking in the cold rain while I was complaining to God because my car wasn't warm! Paaaathetic. Im pretty sure God was sitting up in heaven saying "Seriously, Justine." Talk about a reality check for me. God has blessed me with so many comforts in life, and I still had the nerve to complain.

Today I'm thankful for the little things that God has blessed me with; a fully functional car, a pillow to rest my head on at night, a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, and a wonderful family that blesses me daily

My new found love...

2009-11-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago I had the opportunity of a lifetime to learn from an amazing photographer, and friend, Holli True. I can't say enough about how much I absolutely adore Holli and the amazing friend she has been and is to me. And to have the chance to learn from her was unbelievable. I truly felt honored.

We were able to round up a threesome of girls who were nothing short of fabulously gorgeous for our shoot and went out in search of some spots. The day was cold but the girls stuck it out and we all had a great time.

Ok, enough talking- here are my very first shots as a photographer! (how exciting!)

To Write Love on Her Arms

2009-11-12T22:42:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is International To Write Love On Her Arms Day (in case you hadn't heard). I am a HUGE supporter of this amazing organization and hope that you become one too. They are amazing people, doing amazing things for other amazing people who just don't know amazing they are yet. Check it out and I think you will share in my support.

We prayed, worshiped, prayed, worshiped and prayed and prayed and prayed.

2009-11-06T20:43:00.000-08:00

All night prayer? Like, you pray ALLLL night?! On Halloween?

I had never heard of such a thing until I started this internship; but needless to say I was stoked to experience such an event. We prayed, worshiped, prayed, worshiped, and prayed and prayed and prayed. It was epic, to say the least. The moment that really touched my heart and brought out a few liquid tears was when, towards the beginning of the night, we prayed over the girls that were out and about who were very vulnerable, lost, and looking for some sort of love and approval for someone, somewhere. This really hit home. I used to be one of these girls. I looked to men for the love and approval that would only come from Jesus. We prayed for these girls; for their safety, that they would feel the love that Jesus has for them, realize their self worth, and come running to their Saviour. My heart went out to them. I knew where they were, how they felt, and what they were looking for.

I then began to think about all the prayers that had gone out in years past; prayers for me, my safety, and salvation. When I was lost, vulnerable, and looking for love and approval, some one was praying for me. The amazing thing about my God is that He answers prayers. My parents, my family, my church had not idea how or when God would answer their prayers (just as we have no idea how or when He will answer the prayers we prayed that night) but knew that He would; and He did.

I have days; days where I feel discouraged, days where my heart hurts for my unsaved family and friends. But God always reminds me that all I have to do is ask.

Matthew 7:7-11 says:

7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

I am so cliche.... and I love it!

2009-10-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

Any one who knows me knows that I LOVE love! It's true. I am totally, completely, 100%, head over heels in love with love. I know it may sounds a little (or a lot) cliche but it is so true. The other night a good friend of mine shared with me her and her husband's love story and my heart fluttered. There is just something so incredibily amazing when it comes to love. Not just any love though, the kind of love that can only be from the Lord. He, in His all knowing awesomeness, knows us; like really knows each and every one of us- what we like, what we think, how we act when we think no one is looking or when we are hidden away in our rooms- He knows it all. And, the best part; He knew all this about us before we were born! Psalm 139:13 says " For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." and Isaiah 49:1 says "... Before I was born the Lord called me; from my birth He has made mention of my name." Therefore, since He knows each one of us by name and created us, He also knows the perfect person for us. Sometimes God will bring Mr. Right along while we are still in high school, sometimes he won't show up until college, and sometimes we won't find Mr. Right until we travel half way across the world, as is the case for my cousin Rachel. She left for Oxford, England with an expectation that God was going to do something amazing in her life; and He did! The Lord brought her the perfect man, the man He had planned for her before she was even born. Rachel has waited for this perfect man for a very long time and because of her unfailing love for the Lord, He has truly blessed her.

Today I have the honor of being in their wedding, sharing in their love story, and witnessing first hand God's marvelous plan.

Isaac and Rachel, I adore you more than words can describe and I am truly honored to have you as family. My heart is full of love for the both of you and my happiness for you is overflowing. God bless you two. YOU ROCK!

It's going to be epic!

2009-09-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

"It's like a pregnancy." she said. "You are going to laugh, cry, and grow. By the end of these 9 long hard months you will grow in your relationship with the Lord as well as who you are in Christ and by the time you are done you won't even recognize yourself." As overwhelming and daunting as that might sound to some, I have to say that I am beyond ecstatic for the journey ahead.

Tomorrow marks the start of something great. A group of ten amazing men and women of God will begin their journey through a 9 month internship and I am honored to be one of them. Through this life changing experience, we will learn all aspects of the bible, the church, leading, evangelizing, missions, and much much more. It's an incredible journey that will inevidably stretch us beyond what we think our limit is and reveal in us characteristics we never knew we had. We will laugh, cry, and grow; together. It's going to be epic!

With man this is impossible, but not with God. All things are possible with God.

Mark 10:27

The above picture is us- L.I.T. Interns 09-10 on our overnight adventure to the coast last week:)

This is me.

2009-09-20T17:58:00.000-07:00

I was asked to prepare my testimony for a group retreat I went on this past week and I was at a loss. My walk with Jesus is fairly new and this is the first time I have been asked to share such a thing as this. Where do I start? How do I begin? What do I say? All these questions racing through my mind. I realized I first needed to know exactly what was expected of me. What exactly does the word "testimony" mean? Thank the Lord for Webster Dictionary! This handy little book has been my go to for many years when I come across questions such as these. Testimony- evidence, or proof: something that supports a fact or a claim. My next question- what is my evidence or proof? What has Jesus done in my life? What are the facts? As I thought of the answers to these questions my testimony came to life. And as I began writing my testimony I couldn't help but think about my blog and what I want for this little piece of cyber space I call my own.
I returned home from my retreat knowing, with out a doubt, what this blog is meant to be. My testimony. The truth. Nothing more and nothing less.
This is me, my life, and the amazing things God is doing for me daily.

Life's journey

2009-09-09T23:08:00.000-07:00

I was devestated. Not for any one particular reason; just the over all knowledge that I would no longer be 21. I could no longer excuse myself as the young irresponsible 21er and I was determined that I would spend my 22nd birthday locked in my room crying. I was losing my youth (or so I felt) and I didnt' know what to do with myself. All I ever had was my youth- an excuse I used more often than not to dismiss my irresponsible behavoir. But I wasn't fooling anyone but myself. I was lost.

A year has past and what a journey it has been. Here I am, on the eve of my 23rd birthday and wouldn't trade it for the world. This past year as been one huge emotional roller coaster ride but in everything God has been there, guiding my path, bringing me right to this place of pure contentment. Had you asked me a year ago if I was excited for my birthday I would have gone into some dramatically pathetic sob fest in which I completey and utterly felt sorry for myself. But tonight, I sit here, filled with pure enthusiasm; not for my birthday per se, but for the road ahead and the plans God has in store for me. I'm 23 and proud of it; fo real!