Embracing the silence

I might just have a problem... and admitting this is the first step... or so I've heard.

I'm a crazy multi-tasker. Like, it may just be out of hand. I found myself comfortably seated at the breakfast bar this morning, reading up on all my favorite blogs (thanks to bloglovin this process is so easy!) but the silence was uncomfortably.... silent. So, I moved to the couch, turned on HGTV & kept reading. But then there was a commercial, and I HATE commercials! So I muted the television and turned on some Future of Forestry. Then my show came back on, I muted my music, unmuted the television, and continued reading. And then I started writing. Like I said, I might have a problem.

The problem with my problem is that silence and simply being has almost turned into a four letter word for me. It makes me so uncomfortable to be in silence and just be me, that, well, I never allow silence to surround me. I never allow myself to simply be me. Yet, in our silence, God speaks. And when we are comfortably ourselves, God can come and encourage us, teach us, move us to where He wants us to be. But if we continue to flood the silence with our televisions, music, and noise, God has no room to talk and ultimately gets pushed so far out of our lives that when He actually does speak, we no longer recognize His voice, putting it off as our own random thought.

But, in an effort to hear God, to learn, move, and grow, I'm turning off the television, turning off the music, closing my laptop, and embracing the silence; embracing who I am; embracing the voice of God.

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalms 46:10

You better put on your stretchy pants

"You wanna preach the last 5 minutes of the message and close us up tonight?" Wait, what? Is he serious right now? He can't be serious right now. He just learn of my desire to preach a few moments ago. But, to be fair, he did warn me to be ready at any time.... I just figured he would give more time to be ready at any time. STILL, I'm not prepared, I don't have a nicely typed outline with bullet points, underlined words and scripture references to accompany. Pretty sure all of these thoughts went through my head, simultaneously, in less than a nano second... and before I knew it I said "yes." WHAT!! I just said yes, oh Jesus help me. And that right there was all I needed- Jesus.

Many times we look at something, such as preaching, and immediately look at ourselves, our flaws, fear of man and what others might think of us, not even giving the thought a chance. We look to ourselves, thinking we are unworthy, and loose focus of who it's really all about- Jesus. Who are we to tell Him what to do, or not do? who is worthy of such a task and who isn't? When did we loose sight that it isn't about us?

Paul exhorted the Romans and Christians everywhere in Romans 12 to "in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God" God has a plan and a purpose for every single person - every-single-person- and all He asks of us is to give our selves to him "offer our bodies as livings sacrifices". And when this is done something amazing happens, He begins to use you and His plan and destiny for your life begins to unfold right in front of you. Before you know it your preaching the closing message to your brothers and sisters in Christ on a Sunday night service.

I encourage you, simply offer yourself to God. See what happens. I guarantee you, He will use you. He is desiring to use you right now! It may be uncomfortable and you may be stretched to a new level (that's what stretchy pants are for though, right?) but being stretched and uncomfortable is a good thing, you begin to realize that you can't do it on your own and that you must rely on God. "For all things are possible with God." Matthew 19:26

Conviction is only the first step...

We sat there, eating our sandwiches and discussing the lessons of life as well as what the infallible Word of God says regarding said topics. She spoke of her convictions and I, being the great christian woman that I am*, simply stated that "conviction is only the first step, it's what you do about that conviction that really matters." I spoke those words and as they left my mouth I was convicted; I knew what I had to do...

I had been going back and forth with God all day on how to handle a certain situation that I had gotten myself into. He knew that I knew what I needed to do; but I continued to ask questions and He continued to answer until He got tired of me. He finally told me that I knew what I needed to do and He wasn't going to talk about it anymore. This pathetic back and forth discussion made me realize the extent of God's grace for His people. I'm sure I'm making Him blue in the face at times but amazingly, He loves me anyways; no matter how stubborn or immature I may be. Little did I know that the depth of my knowledge of His grace was about to increase. James 4:6 says But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
I returned from lunch knowing that I needed to swollow my pride, no matter how much it hurt. And oh did it hurt. So, with tears and humility, I confessed my mistake, repented, and asked for forgiveness. I had no idea how he would respond and frankly, expected the worst. Luckily, this certain person is not the type to inflict "the worst"; he graciously forgave and I felt completely unworthy. I had hurt him in many ways but he was so quick to forgive and forget, I was amazed.

How often do we hurt God? Yet God is quick to forgive and forget, not matter how large or small our transgression is against Him. All we must do is repent; confess that we messed up and decide to learn from our mistake. Proverbs 28:13 states He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoeve confesses and renounces them finds mercy. And Psalms 103:12 says as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Sometimes God has to bring us down in order to pick us back up again, to remind us that we are sinful man and He is the one and only perfect God; slow to anger and abounding in love (Psalms 103:9)

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. C. S. Lewis

*I say this in complete sarcasm, knowing that I am no where near perfect; no matter how much I like to think I am at times.

The man on a bike

I was driving home from church Saturday night and began to complain. I know, I know, I'm a horrible person but it was cold and rainy, and I DO NOT like being cold; being wet and cold is a double negative in my book! So there I was, driving in my comfy car, that has been oh so faithful to get me where I'm going, with a roof that has only leaked on my once (ok, actually it poured water on my head but we're not going there), complaining to God, pleading with Him to just make my car warm up a little bit faster. And then a pass a man on a bike. Yes internet, he was biking in the cold rain while I was complaining to God because my car wasn't warm! Paaaathetic. Im pretty sure God was sitting up in heaven saying "Seriously, Justine." Talk about a reality check for me. God has blessed me with so many comforts in life, and I still had the nerve to complain.

Today I'm thankful for the little things that God has blessed me with; a fully functional car, a pillow to rest my head on at night, a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, and a wonderful family that blesses me daily

It's going to be epic!

"It's like a pregnancy." she said. "You are going to laugh, cry, and grow. By the end of these 9 long hard months you will grow in your relationship with the Lord as well as who you are in Christ and by the time you are done you won't even recognize yourself." As overwhelming and daunting as that might sound to some, I have to say that I am beyond ecstatic for the journey ahead.

Tomorrow marks the start of something great. A group of ten amazing men and women of God will begin their journey through a 9 month internship and I am honored to be one of them. Through this life changing experience, we will learn all aspects of the bible, the church, leading, evangelizing, missions, and much much more. It's an incredible journey that will inevidably stretch us beyond what we think our limit is and reveal in us characteristics we never knew we had. We will laugh, cry, and grow; together. It's going to be epic!

With man this is impossible, but not with God. All things are possible with God.

Mark 10:27

The above picture is us- L.I.T. Interns 09-10 on our overnight adventure to the coast last week:)