The choice is ours

It's not in a booming thunder or a rushing wind that God speaks to us, but rather in the small whispers of thoughts and ideas that pop into our mind as we go about our day. It's in these moments, when thoughts and ideas contrary to our own fleshly desires appear in our mind, that we have the option to acknowledge them as words from God, or dismiss them as our own and go on, living the way we choose, ignoring His still small voice. The choice is ours. One choice will lead to a seperation, false sense of truth, and distance from God. One choice is easy to make, it requires no trust in anyone but ourself, no faith for the unseen, no uncomfortable feelings of lost control. But the other choice, that choice that says "I will listen to You. I will obey what You tell me to do. I will trust you that you know what's best for me and that your timing is perfect.", is the choice that will lead to His perfect plan for our life. Because when we give our all to Him, sacrificing what we really want for what He really wants, He can't help but to pour out His blessing and favor on us. It's in this time, when our sacrifice leaves us feeling weak, alone, and unsure of ourselves, when we empty our hearts of ourselves, that Jesus is given room to rule in our lives.

"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, ... For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9&10

I heard His still small voice whisper so softly and so lovingly and I knew that things needed to change, an adjustment needed to be made, and no part of me wanted to do it. I tried to find another way, a compromise, a happy medium, but I knew that for Him to rule, and for His perfect plan to manifest in my life, I had to put aside my own desires and seek His. I had to put aside the plans I had made and the way I thought it should go, and seek Him, His plan, His way. I had to trust Him with the situation, acknowledging that He knows best and that His timing is perfect. I gave the situation to Him, and while I'm excited for what He has planned and I know that it will be amazing, it doesn't stop the feelings of weakness, lonesomeness, and insecurity that come from losing control. But I know that when I am weak, then I am strong.

Conviction is only the first step...

We sat there, eating our sandwiches and discussing the lessons of life as well as what the infallible Word of God says regarding said topics. She spoke of her convictions and I, being the great christian woman that I am*, simply stated that "conviction is only the first step, it's what you do about that conviction that really matters." I spoke those words and as they left my mouth I was convicted; I knew what I had to do...

I had been going back and forth with God all day on how to handle a certain situation that I had gotten myself into. He knew that I knew what I needed to do; but I continued to ask questions and He continued to answer until He got tired of me. He finally told me that I knew what I needed to do and He wasn't going to talk about it anymore. This pathetic back and forth discussion made me realize the extent of God's grace for His people. I'm sure I'm making Him blue in the face at times but amazingly, He loves me anyways; no matter how stubborn or immature I may be. Little did I know that the depth of my knowledge of His grace was about to increase. James 4:6 says But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
I returned from lunch knowing that I needed to swollow my pride, no matter how much it hurt. And oh did it hurt. So, with tears and humility, I confessed my mistake, repented, and asked for forgiveness. I had no idea how he would respond and frankly, expected the worst. Luckily, this certain person is not the type to inflict "the worst"; he graciously forgave and I felt completely unworthy. I had hurt him in many ways but he was so quick to forgive and forget, I was amazed.

How often do we hurt God? Yet God is quick to forgive and forget, not matter how large or small our transgression is against Him. All we must do is repent; confess that we messed up and decide to learn from our mistake. Proverbs 28:13 states He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoeve confesses and renounces them finds mercy. And Psalms 103:12 says as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Sometimes God has to bring us down in order to pick us back up again, to remind us that we are sinful man and He is the one and only perfect God; slow to anger and abounding in love (Psalms 103:9)

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. C. S. Lewis

*I say this in complete sarcasm, knowing that I am no where near perfect; no matter how much I like to think I am at times.

This is me.

I was asked to prepare my testimony for a group retreat I went on this past week and I was at a loss. My walk with Jesus is fairly new and this is the first time I have been asked to share such a thing as this. Where do I start? How do I begin? What do I say? All these questions racing through my mind. I realized I first needed to know exactly what was expected of me. What exactly does the word "testimony" mean? Thank the Lord for Webster Dictionary! This handy little book has been my go to for many years when I come across questions such as these. Testimony- evidence, or proof: something that supports a fact or a claim. My next question- what is my evidence or proof? What has Jesus done in my life? What are the facts? As I thought of the answers to these questions my testimony came to life. And as I began writing my testimony I couldn't help but think about my blog and what I want for this little piece of cyber space I call my own.
I returned home from my retreat knowing, with out a doubt, what this blog is meant to be. My testimony. The truth. Nothing more and nothing less.
This is me, my life, and the amazing things God is doing for me daily.

Life's journey

I was devestated. Not for any one particular reason; just the over all knowledge that I would no longer be 21. I could no longer excuse myself as the young irresponsible 21er and I was determined that I would spend my 22nd birthday locked in my room crying. I was losing my youth (or so I felt) and I didnt' know what to do with myself. All I ever had was my youth- an excuse I used more often than not to dismiss my irresponsible behavoir. But I wasn't fooling anyone but myself. I was lost.

A year has past and what a journey it has been. Here I am, on the eve of my 23rd birthday and wouldn't trade it for the world. This past year as been one huge emotional roller coaster ride but in everything God has been there, guiding my path, bringing me right to this place of pure contentment. Had you asked me a year ago if I was excited for my birthday I would have gone into some dramatically pathetic sob fest in which I completey and utterly felt sorry for myself. But tonight, I sit here, filled with pure enthusiasm; not for my birthday per se, but for the road ahead and the plans God has in store for me. I'm 23 and proud of it; fo real!